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Management course

  • S.A.F I-Robot
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8 years 3 months ago #4416 by S.A.F I-Robot
S.A.F I-Robot created the topic: Management course
Apologies if you have seen this before, just thought it might appeal to certain senses of humour round here :P

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'


After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.


The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'



Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.



Lesson 2:


A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand.. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.



Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
lunch.'


Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4


An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.




Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.


Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..



Lesson 6


A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.


Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

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8 years 3 months ago #4417 by S.A.F Action2
S.A.F Action2 replied the topic: Re: Management course
ha so true...

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8 years 3 months ago #4419 by S.A.F Survival
S.A.F Survival replied the topic: Re: Management course
gut ya
have sent it to my wife she will enjoy the read

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8 years 3 months ago #4421 by S.A.F I-Robot
S.A.F I-Robot replied the topic: Re: Management course
If this amuses you should check this site out :

http://despair.com/

A merchandise site for demotivators, features anti products for all the motivational stuff you see in offices etc. - you know, like those annoying motivational posters etc, check out the demotivators section lol.

Personally I think this site is great.







;D

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8 years 3 months ago #4424 by Coincidence
Coincidence replied the topic: Re: Management course
First post TL;DR.

I've seen some funny demotivators but I have yet to see actual 'demotivating' ones.

Also was looking through my photobucket:
http://i302.photobucket.com/albums/nn120/Matty_G33/Screen%20Shots/aurigianonhelix.png
lol engrish


Also made this~

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8 years 3 months ago #4428 by S.A.F Masterpetey
S.A.F Masterpetey replied the topic: Re: Management course
haha awesome botman, i like lessons 4 and 5 the best!

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8 years 3 months ago #4447 by S.A.F I-Robot
S.A.F I-Robot replied the topic: Re: Management course
Heh, good fail pic.

Anyone familiar with the epic fail of Leeroy Jenkins that became an internet cult!

[flash=200,200]
[/flash]

From time to time if someone is going to do something stuoid and suicidial you will hear them yell "Leeroy Jenkins!".

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8 years 3 months ago #4449 by S.A.F Masterpetey
S.A.F Masterpetey replied the topic: Re: Management course
so this is wow?
forgive me i have been warned by some friends to stay as far away from it as possible!is it any good?

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8 years 3 months ago #4452 by S.A.F I-Robot
S.A.F I-Robot replied the topic: Re: Management course
I dont play it, dont play anything really except 2142.

As far as I'm concerned all that fantasy stuff is bs, full of compulsive obsessives who have exchanged it for having a life lol. I like simple games, spawn, shoot, die, repeat.

I just remembered a friend showing me that ages ago.

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8 years 3 months ago #4495 by Coincidence
Coincidence replied the topic: Re: Management course
Oh god not Leroy~

I have played an MMO for a year (called Air Rivals if anyone knows about it here) and seriously later on it just got...dull (grind, grind, war, grind, war, war, grind till 'endgame level' then war with a stupidly fast engine). Oh well, they keep you occupied. Also met such different people seeing it was international, made up friends with a Hungarian that I talk to on Xfire now and then, seeing how terrible SomethingAwful goons can be, also a load of other people.

TL;DR: Avoid MMO's like the plague IMO.

Also ty Robo.

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8 years 3 months ago #4501 by S.A.F OggyMan
S.A.F OggyMan replied the topic: Re: Management course

so this is wow?
forgive me i have been warned by some friends to stay as far away from it as possible!is it any good?


played it for 2 years....

it ruled my life.... and it was hard to sell my online chars...

but its for the best....lost 2 G/F over it and nearly my job..

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8 years 3 months ago #4506 by S.A.F I-Robot
S.A.F I-Robot replied the topic: Re: Management course
Thats my point, watched a friend screw up his relationships playing everquest.

I read a statistic somewhere there are many WOW players that rank up more hours in a week than they do working or sleeping, and I know of one guy who has lost 3 jobs skiving off to play it, utterly ridiculous.

Whatever happened to throwing your life away partying and drinking/drugging to excess lol, it would be very sad if the geek have inherited the earth ;D

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8 years 3 months ago #4509 by ∞ Mayhem_Lee
∞ Mayhem_Lee replied the topic: Re: Management course
Posted on: Today at 04:10:57 PMPosted by: I-Robot
Insert Quote

Whatever happened to throwing your life away partying and drinking/drugging to excess lol, it would be very sad if the geek have inherited the earth

my quote not working!!!

i'm half half doing that haha the bottle of potatoe watr is always close to hand :P


But yea my lil bro went for mayb a year playing eve &/or runescape & that was all sleept during the dae played @ nyt & quit school....

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8 years 3 months ago #4514 by S.A.F I-Robot
S.A.F I-Robot replied the topic: Re: Management course
Last time I tried going to uni to study AI & Robotics I was mortified, all my course mates not long out of school would go online between classes and rush home afterwards to play all that rubbish, not one was interested in the pub or anything else. And there was me worried I'd be ignored for being mid 30's heh.

After a year I bailed out for a job working with some friends who were graduates of the course, at similar wages ;D

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8 years 3 months ago #4517 by ∞ Mayhem_Lee
∞ Mayhem_Lee replied the topic: Re: Management course
haha week nyt play sum bf2142

wekends go pub,twn, get pissed try play pool
wake up hungover & play bf2142

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8 years 3 months ago #4520 by Coincidence
Coincidence replied the topic: Re: Management course
On the topic of MMO's:

I would admit some have some cool things like this X-Mas event.

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8 years 3 months ago #4525 by S.A.F I-Robot
S.A.F I-Robot replied the topic: Re: Management course
hah, yes. I remember my friend telling me he logged on to eve online to find all the weapon effects had been altered to look linke throwing snowballs at each other.

I used to drink in the seediest and roughest pool hall wehere I lived, law ended at the door and the place had its own rules, no problem for me.

Literally the best players in the city were there, top team etc., I used to play them as friends, lost most of the time but some wins, we often found our playing improved when wrecked :) I have a very odd style they nicknamed quantum pool - "you cant see how it should work but it just does" ;D

Regarding my course I just couldnt go on living on a students budget, too used to earning I suppose. Those guys were supposed to be the best minds in computing combined with the ability to understand engineering. They were already socially dysfunctional before leaving school and couldnt tell you one end of a hammer from the other ::)

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8 years 3 months ago #4527 by S.A.F ArcomVI
S.A.F ArcomVI replied the topic: Re: Management course
For many years I played Team Fortress Classic and remember players skins turning into santas on Christmas day. Great fun but ultimately annoying, especially as you dont know who is who!

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8 years 3 months ago #4538 by Althizor
Althizor replied the topic: Re: Management course
shouldnt it be

get pissed try to play pool ... give up ...play bf2142

wakeup with hangover play 2142

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8 years 3 months ago #4546 by Avatar Xes
Avatar Xes replied the topic: Re: Management course

For many years I played Team Fortress Classic and remember players skins turning into santas on Christmas day. Great fun but ultimately annoying, especially as you dont know who is who!


Well, finally something I'm a bit more familiar with...

I never played TFC, but I played the original TF hardcore :D
anyone else used to play TF??

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